Mental Potpourri

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I went on a little vacation to Ohio last weekend…
Yes, my life is so exciting I vacation in Ohio.
Maybe vacation is too strong a word.
I went on a road trip to Ohio last weekend to visit some good friends. The female component of these friends (really the original friend since we’ve known each other since fourth grade) knits.
At one point when we had a few minutes of down time and I literally mean jut a few minutes she showed me the basic stitches of knitting. I actually used to knit long before I ever even thought about crocheting.
Back in high school this same friend and another one used to knit in the hallways at school. They taught me and I knit a couple random striped hats. Then I never knit again. I didn’t even pick up yarn for at least ten years after that.
But now I am knitting again.
If you’re not a yarny person you might not realize there’s a difference between knitting & crocheting: there is.
The difference between knitting and crocheting is like the difference between ice skating in figure skates and doing so in hockey skates.
In figure skating and crocheting you have a hook (or toe pick), without that you tend to slide all over the place. Control is a little harder to maintain without the hook. If you’re not careful you’re apt to slide right off your feet…or your work might slide right off those pointy needles. I’m pretty sure I’ll get the hang of it after practicing a bit; just because I learned on figure skates first doesn’t mean I can’t hockey skate too and be just as good at it. Basically you’re doing the same thing but you’re doing it completely differently which makes it different things.

Lately I’ve been thinking about trying my hand at dating soon.
Yes, I know, I just said I’m thinking about planning to do something which means nothing is actually happening. It’s a step in the direction of something happening though… or maybe it’s a thought about a step towards something happening.
Anyhow, dating.
Ideally I’d like to meet somebody organically, you know, out and about during my daily activities. I’m pretty sure that just doesn’t happen anymore though. That whole once you stop looking you’ll find what you were looking for adage, I’m pretty sure it’s crap for accuracy when it comes to dating. I’m pretty sure you actually have to put forth some effort and look for opportunities and possibilities to get dates. So I’ve been trying to notice people more in my day-to-day activities. It’s an attempt to raise awareness of potential dates.
At soccer practice today (not mine, my four-year-old’s) I noticed couples everywhere. Not just one or two but all the other parents were sitting in their fresh-from-the-canvas-bag folding chairs with a significant other.
I noticed this as I was walking my son back from the port-a-potties. It went like this: two chairs, two chairs, two chairs with a stroller in between, three chairs, two chairs and me….on a blanket….alone (with my knitting & a notebook).
One of these things is not like the others.
I hadn’t realized pre-school soccer was such a popular couple’s activity now. And it was only a practice. Maybe soccer is the new Date Night. Who knew?

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I went for a run Sunday evening. It was just my usual route around town but I felt great. I had lots of energy & was making better time than I had all year. It was one of those runs that randomly reminds you why you love it & why you keep doing it day after day, week after week.
Maybe being couped up in the car for four hours earlier in the day helped. Whatever it was I was enjoying it and thinking I wanted to bottle that goodness up and keep it, maybe drink a little every morning as I’m getting out of bed. Then BAM! I fell.
I was a block from my house running the streets I’ve run countless times over the past year and a half when I went down. It was ridiculous. There was no reason for me to fall. None. Of course it was in a high traffic area too, on the corner of Local Church & Construction Zone.
Suddenly my runner’s euphoria was gone.
I was angry & frustrated.
Running is supposed to make me not angry and frustrated.
That’s ninety percent of the point of it but here I was at the end of my run mentally worse off than when I started. For some reason falling right then took me back to a time when my marriage was good…well, relatively good.
I’ve always been a clumsy person. It’s just part of who I am. I’m awkward, I trip. It’s weird.
Sometimes it’s funny. I get that.
But sometimes it’s also embarrassing. My ex-husband made it embarrassing.
When I can just get up, laugh it off, and go on with my day it’s okay. I’m not against laughing at myself by any means. Heck, I’d rather laugh at myself. It’s usually better than the alternative.
But when it gets brought up to other people and told again and again it’s not okay. It becomes a joke at my expense. I can laugh with you in the moment but when you’re reminding me of my clumsiness and lack of coordination in front of and to people I barely know I’m not laughing anymore. Now you’re just laughing at me, purposely making me seem foolish
…and it’s not okay.
Falling at that point on that particular run took me back there. It put me in a bad head space.
A really bad head space.
I’m a great person, I just am. I’m smart, kind, caring, even funny and decently good looking, even attaractive (from a purely objective viewpoint of course).
I know this; I’ve spent years figuring this out.
But somehow one person can take that intellectual knowledge, all that self awareness and make it irrelevant. Their condescending nature and subtle belittlement can erase years of progress even when they’re not there.
They can ruin a perfectly good run.

I got up and took another lap around the block trying to restore my calm. But I couldn’t help but think Something is wrong with me, this is not normal.
And maybe something is wrong with me (other than my social awkwardness, my knack for saying too much even when I know I shouldn’t, and my poor time management skills).
A friend suggested I see a doctor when I mentioned the falling; maybe there’s a neurological cause. While I’m not jumping to that extreme I am looking for a solution.
I’m contemplating Yoga.
Isn’t yoga supposed to help improve balance? Obviously my balance could use some improvement and if it doesn’t help it sure won’t hurt.
Right now I don’t have the resources to take a class (I barely have time to squeeze in a few runs a week) so I’m looking for a video (dvd or Youtube or whatever) or a book that can get me started.
Since I know next to nothing about yoga any helpful suggestions would be appreciated.

Other than that I finished a baby blanket that was in progress for way too long and finally got my living room patched, painted and put back together.
Hopefully I’ll get around to blogging about one or both of those in the next couple days but for now I’ll leave you with a pair of hole-in-the-wall comparison pictures.

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About nights7

A metamorphosis in progress...always.

3 thoughts on “Mental Potpourri

  1. ziles says:

    The wall transformation is awesome! Really nice color. Perhaps the new wall will help restore your calm.

    I was guessing that knitting was the figure skates at first. (They were both feminine nouns in my head.) But hockey skates does make more sense.

    Like

    • nights7 says:

      Thanks. If I stand facing the living room (with my back to the rest of the house so I can’t see the mess) it does instill feelings of peace & tranquility.

      Like

  2. […] Oh, and just to be clear to those of you who regularly read our blog I’m not the one who usually falls. Usually, it’s my co-blogger as noted here, here and here. […]

    Like

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