(Insert quintessential angry little kid foot stomp here)
Life has been crazy here the past couple weeks…Kuh-razy with a capital K!
I mean crazier than usual, teetering on the brink of utter chaos. A good breeze would probably tip it right over the edge right now. Although if you walked in my house you might think we’ve already arrived at chaosville (so please just don’t).
What happened to increase the entropy of the system you ask?
I disrupted the balance; I picked up a couple extra shifts at work this week.
Currently my life entails taking a full course load at school (16 credits), working part time (gotta pay those bills, sometimes just barely though), running a household on my own, training for a half-marathon, and keeping up on the demands of parenting a high-schooler, two middle schoolers, and two elementary school kids (again, sometimes just barely…barely keeping up on it that is, not barely parenting).
My life is like that game, Jenga, if you pull out the wrong tab it all comes crashing down. At first you hesitate when pulling out the little blocks of wood, you’re not sure which ones are the necessary support blocks, but as the game progresses you start pulling at the pieces with more confidence. Even though the stack is more precariously balanced now your success thus far makes you feel almost invincible.
Well I’ve been pulling out blocks left and right without even realizing how unsteady my stack is becoming.
There’s no crashing quite yet but the tower is definitely teetering.
As I’ve already mentioned, I picked up a couple shifts at work this week. I’ll get just under 50 hours in by the end of the weekend. That in itself wouldn’t be too bad but it seems like life is really piling it on at the moment: Sick kids, an out-of town Cross Country meet that ate up half the weekend, finding out that one kid is failing a class, laundry that’s threatening to overtake the house, and there are NO clean socks!
Yesterday morning I literally dragged my crying five-year-old onto the bus and ran away. Just as I pulled up to drop the kids off at the bus (which we almost missed) he started fussing about staying home with me and not wanting to go to school. Tuesdays I’m at school all day starting with a nine AM lab class. If you’re late the professor literally does not let you in. It’s a forty-five minute drive without traffic…and there’s always traffic. There’s no time to deal with separation anxiety on Tuesday mornings. The bus driver said “It’ll be okay.” So I turned and ran. That’s just how it’s got to be sometimes.
I’ve had two giant bags of apples that we picked weeks ago slowly decomposing as they wait to be processed. When we were at the orchard a full bushel sounded like a good idea (even though it was pretty expensive). We all like apples and I can make and freeze some apple pies and applesauce for later….you know, in all my spare time. Of course now those apples are taunting me. If I don’t do anything the hard earned money I spent on them is a waste. I really hate waste! Just seeing them sitting there getting less usable by the day reminds me of all the things I need to get to and just haven’t yet. Who knew that apples could make you feel pressured? Next year someone please remind me NOT to get a full bushel; a half bushel is plenty. (Of course I vaguely remember thinking the same thing around this time last year as I was desperately trying to do something with a whole bunch of apples before they went bad.)
Have I mentioned I’m running a half-marathon in a little over a week??? And I haven’t had time to run since Saturday. (I’m going to remedy that in just a few minutes though). I’m trying to reassure myself that all the miles I’ve put in up to this point mean something and it’ll be okay. Plus if nothing else comes up this week I should be able to at least get close to my 20 miles a week goal.
Sometimes I overestimate myself…but I’ve always enjoyed a challenge.
If someone tries to tell me I can’t do something my instinct is to show them just how wrong they are. Not only can I do it, but I can do it well! My Fuck-You gene starts expressing itself. I’m pretty sure that’s an actual gene (and dominant one), I mean, just look at my family, pretty much all of us have signs of it.This can be a good thing. It drives me to be successful even (especially!) when circumstances make it difficult, it makes me persistent and resourceful. These are good things, traits I like about myself. But on the flip side (there’s always a flip side) sometimes I take on too much. I have to stop and consider the possibility that maybe I can’t actually do it all.
But maybe, maybe I can if only for a little while.
This week I feel like the Universe is trying to tell me that I just can’t have everything.
And of course I’m stomping my foot & saying “YES I CAN!!”
And I will; for the moment I’ve got it all, I’m doing it all…just barely.
Next week I’ll be paying though.The weekend is going to be consumed with homework catch-up, I’m going to have to spent extra time with the laundry, I’ll pay the price of less sleep than usual, and when I’m running the 13.1 miles next weekend I’ll probably be wondering what the hell I was thinking taking on so much this week.
And then in two weeks I’ll have a half marathon under my belt, we will have survived another high school cross country season, and life will be (relatively) calm again…
Okay, maybe not calm but at least back to its normal level of managed chaos.