A Plea for Help

You know what pisses me off?
I mean just really irks me to a degree that’s maybe less than rational? That stupid commercial with the octopus mom using her many, like way more than two,appendages to perform a bunch of household tasks at the same time all the while complaining that she just doesn’t have time to get everything done and take care of herself too.

Seriously, bitch? Fuck you! You have eight workable arms and the brain capacity to use them all at once but not the intelligence to realize how lucky you are? It’s like the stay at home moms with two kids and a wonderfully supportive spouse who want to tell you how hard their life is.
Umm, yeah, I’ve got no sympathy for you.
To be fair, I do understand that everyone’s life has its challenges and everyone needs to vent once in a while but I might punch you in the throat if you complain to me one more time about just how busy you are. You are lucky to be able to do what you do. Yes, it’s work but you are privileged to be in a position to make that your current life’s work. Just like that octabitch with her eight arms maybe you don’t realize how good you have it.

This week I really need to be on my A-game.
My sister is getting married at the end of the week so on top of my usual craziness I have a few bow ties to make, six fancy outfits to get together,a two night hotel stay to pack for as well as a portion of the online class work I usually do over the weekend(since I’ll be wedding it up over a large part of the weekend) to get done by Thursday evening …
there’s probably something else extra that I’m forgetting right now too. I hope it’s not too important because who knows when I’ll remember…oh wait, I have to finish putting straps on my daughter’s dress too.
And on top of all that I have an Econ test on Tuesday (which is tomorrow).
Econ, or rather, Introduction to the Global Economy, is one of the few general education credits I have to complete to get my bachelor’s. Theoretically they make me a better, more well-rounded person…because my life hasn’t made me well rounded enough I need to pay a college a thousand dollars or so to spend time I don’t have taking classes I really don’t need that will not help me at all in my career. Fucking gen eds! They really are a thorn in my side.
It’s not the actual class or content I mind. Actually Econ has been interesting but I literally have spent no time on it outside of going to class and doing the homework (usually at the last minute when I should be going to class).
And it shows…I got a C on the first test. Yes, a C!
Maybe you’re thinking that’s not so bad but for me it is.
I’m a 4.0 student so far and this fucking gen ed is bringing me down. Luckily the professor curved it so I have a solid B in the class.
Better than a C but still not okay. I’ve taken some pretty tough classes and this is the one that’s breaking my streak?
This is NOT the hill I want my GPA to die (or suffer, let’s not be too dramatic here) on!
Okay maybe now I’m that privileged individual bitching about my insignificant struggles.
Ah well, it happens.
Feel free to punch me in the throat now if you feel you must.

As I sit here blogging in avoidance debating between tackling the massive pile of clean laundry on my table (guess I’ll have to get to it sometime before dinner) and studying for the econ test tomorrow I can’t help but wish I had access to my text books and class material on podcast or cd or audio download (is that even a thing? Maybe I made that one up) or something.
It would be brilliant if I could listen to the text books and drive or fold laundry or wash dishes or even run at the same time. I am a big fan of multitasking. If I had four more functional limbs to use, because let’s assume the cartoon octopus mom still has to stand on two of her appendages, I would be multitasking like a boss and you wouldn’t hear me complaining about not being able to get it all done. I’d be like “Yeah, bitches, check out all the laundry I folded and my clean house and all the studying I got done AND, look, these two arms over here are even getting buff because I was doing bicep curls too!”

In the absence of course materials available on podcast I’d settle for Benedict Cumberbatch sitting and reading my Econ text book to me. Heck, I’d prefer it!

Major Swoon!
I’m not sure I’d retain the Econ but it would be worth it. So here is my request letter to the fabulous Benedict Cumberbatch, just in case any of you readers have some amazing connections:

Dear Mr. Cumberbatch,
Please help me. I’m a single mom trying to go to school and make ends meet but I’m struggling. There just isn’t enough time to do it all. I’ve heard you’re a kind and caring individual who likes to use his talents to make the world a better place.
The world would be a better place if you could read my Global Economy text to me while I fold laundry.

A desperate blogger/mom/student and fan

P.S.-If you do accept my invitation you’ll have to be blindfolded before you enter my house; it’s embarrassingly messy right now.

About nights7

A metamorphosis in progress...always.

9 thoughts on “A Plea for Help

  1. This post is hilarious. Stop procrastinating! (And good luck, hang in there)


  2. hijennybrown says:

    The next time I hear someone with everything complaining, I am calling them an octabitch straight to their face! Ha ha! Good luck with everything you have to get done this week and with your future endeavors with Mr. Cumberbatch.


  3. Kim says:

    You guys are so funny!


  4. […] there’s a hat pattern I’ve been excited to make and I just need some hands free time. My co-blogger mentioned having someone, notable Benedict Cumberbatch, reading textbooks aloud. That would be of great help […]


  5. sara0611 says:

    I laughed all the way through this post. Lots of people on my fucking throat punch list and I’ll add that octopus too. :):) Good luck getting everything done and if Benny responds to you let me know, I have some wishes of my own. 😉


    • nights7 says:

      Oh trust me, if Mr. Cumberbatch responded in any way shape or form the whole world would know. I’d be shouting it from the roof tops…after I recovered from the speechless,awestruck stupor I’d surely find myself in. 🙂


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