There’s not much I consider myself an expert at but being alone on Valentine’s Day is something I’ve gotten pretty damn good at these past few years. I did spent some Valentine’s Days married and probably before that dating but for the past three years I’ve navigated this tricky faux holiday totally unconnected whether I like it or not. And in all honesty I really am okay with it. I do find it’s best to be prepared for things like Valentine’s Day though because sometimes weird emotions sneak up on a person, those ninja bastards!
1. Be Your Own Best Friend..
Cliche, I know, but if no one else is going to treat you then, by all means…
Self care is important (and something I’m not very good at sometimes). If you’re not going to do good for yourself once in a while what’s the point? Pick something you really want to do and DO IT! Go for a run, listen to some good music, see a movie, go to a museum, heck, if you like flowers buy yourself some fucking flowers. Self care is self love in action which is an offshoot of self acceptance. Self love, people, it’s a good thing.
If you have kids make them do something nice for you. Kids are naturally selfish little assholes, it’s our job as parents to teach them to be kind, caring, considerate individuals. Do you want your sons and daughters to know how to behave in their future relationships? It starts with you teaching them now. This is something I work on with my kids every Mother’s Day and birthday…my oldest three are teenagers and it’s still a work in progress. One of these days I’ll get breakfast in bed without having to wake those little buggers up to make it.
2. Be kind to strangers..
Maybe the media has the theme from Lion King pounding in your brain and stupid jewelry commercial “romance” (Blech!) burned into the backs of your eyeballs and maybe it’s got you feeling like a dark cloud is hovering above you this second week of February.
The best..or one…way to combat this is to step out of your own self and look for opportunities to help a stranger. While you could spend the day feeding the hungry and clothing the naked, it might be just as effective to carry someone’s groceries or help a neighbor or something. I hear that kind of thing makes a person feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Isn’t that the point of Valentine’s Day? I’ll give you a hint: it is. The original St. Valentine earned the infamy of this day of love by anonymously helping people in need.
If you’re anything like me a vacation is basically a liger…
it sound possible but is completely fictional. Even so I’m a big fan of escapism. It’s like avoidance but in fancier clothes! My favorite forms of escapism are a good book, a new project (usually sewing or crocheting), or a nice long Netflix binge…think Netflix and Chill without the chill (or maybe as a solo chill).
4. Find a token kid or old person.
This is along the same lines as number 2 above but ever so slightly different because you’re not doing this altruistically, you’re looking for some good old fashioned self serving happiness. Kids tend to have a contagious level of wonder and excitement especially on “holidays”…and when you give them sugar so bring some of those little candy hearts or something. Maybe you have some nieces or nephews you could babysit. This is a double win because you’ll get some kid fun and your sibling will totally owe you one.
The flip side of that coin is the elderly: They’ve lived longer and seen different things. Their world view is (probably) completely different than yours. Spending your Valentine’s Day with an older relative, neighbor, or even stranger talking with and listening to them might give you a new perspective on your own
sad lonely solitary state of life. And like #2 adding value to someone else’s life by sharing your time with them will make you feel valuable which lends itself to inner peace and happiness.
5. Or don’t..
A good friend once told me that you actually need to feel the feels you’re having that moment. Again, this is something I’m kind of terrible at. Emotional suppression is a fine tuned art that I’ve mastered through years and years of practice, terribly unhealthy practice. When you go through any divorce and especially an unfriendly one there are Emotions…lots and lots of ugly emotions. They suck. They just do. But sometimes you just need to embrace the suckiness and your crappy feelings. Feel the feelings you have, wallow in the moment…
Velentine’s Day is not unlike this. If you feel like being sad and pathetic alone then do just that. Maybe don’t make any decisions while doing so though and don’t forget to pick yourself up and carry on come Monday. Because Valentine’s Day is just that, one day whether it’s a good one or not. Make it whatever you want it to be.