Some days I’m on top of the world; I’m a mother fucking badass. Others nothing works, I’m failing at everything and I just can’t win.
It’s been over six months and I haven’t broken a single Star Wars glass. So there’s that. But the pictures are peeling off half of them. Guess sometimes you get what you pay for, maybe less.
My first teenager is a genius, near perfect scores on every standardized test he takes. The jerkface can’t seem to pass his high school classes though. How do you make a sixteen year old see that homework is more important than friends even when his mom isn’t there to remind him? There’s only so much a mom can do, at some point he’s got to start caring. Colleges sure won’t if he fails classes junior year. Even with perfect scores he won’t get a second look let alone a scholarship. Lord knows I can’t pay his way, I’m still fighting to pay my own. This weighs heavily on me, some days more than others.
For two weeks my little guy went to school without a fuss every single day. It was a welcome change, one motivated by a sticker chart with the promise of a trip to the arcade attached. No emails from the teachers saying he’s having a bad day, started crying and they don’t know why, or that he won’t sit at circle time and do what first graders are supposed to do for two (almost) whole weeks. But that one day a kid accidentally knocked him down and he got up and kicked the kid. In the “privates”. Hard. They’re friends again now but who knows if that poor boy will be able to reproduce. Some days!
You take the good with the bad, that’s just life. “Up down, up down, Life’s like a jump rope.” Maybe if the bad wasn’t there you wouldn’t recognize the good. Everything would just be Meh. Contrast gives value. If you’ve never been poor you might not have an appreciation for your relative wealth. Stuff like that. But some days I just want a mother fucking break, to feel like I have good luck and timing instead of the perpetual bad that seems to follow me like a shadow. Some days I want to be able to say it went my way instead of telling about that one time it was so close I could almost taste it. I want someone to care about making my life a little easier. Just once, maybe twice. That would be a nice change.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the bad guy, that I’m doing the right thing but some days I want to throw in the towel, waive the white flag, and call it a day.
Some days that’s how it goes.